I have never been one to want to move. Prior to moving here I had moved once in my life, or at least once that I can remember...I did move when I was a baby but that doesn't count. I was in the fourth grade when we moved. It was just plain hard! There wasn't anything I liked about it. I eventually loved our new home, the new friends, and the town, but the process...let's just say it pretty much sucked. Fourth grade girls are mean! It took me a good three years to really find where I "fit in". So, needless to say I steered clear of having to go through all of that again. I didn't even leave the town I grew up in when it came time for college. I did move to the dorms though and that was a great experience. I never anticipated moving from their for the rest of my life. So, when we made the decision to move here it was definitely a shock to my system. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't anticipate just how hard it would be for me. I am a pretty social person. I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone. I thought I would be able to make friends easily. And, don't get me wrong, I have made friends...and some great gals at that! But, I didn't take into consideration just how long it takes to build repoire (not sure that is speeled right) with people. To build a bond, a connection, similar interests, and to find someone you can be yourself around without questioning whether or not they will like you after the time together. I also struggle with not wanting to push myself on to people. I want to take initiative but at the same time I don't want to impose or be pushy. Prior to this week I was pretty homesick. Really missing friends and family. Missing being known. Missing the little things. Missing going to the grocery store with my BFF. I really just was done here and was ready to be home.
This week brought a new hope and a new feeling of joy. I had Bible Study Tuesday night, dinner with two friends from Bible Study on Wednesday night, and then last night we went over to a couples' house from the kids' school. They also go to the same church we do. This was the week I needed. It was great! Last night as TW and I were coming home, the kids had fallen asleep in the car, we were reflecting on how nice the evening was...how great it was...how connected we felt with the other couple...and how blessed we felt to get out in the "normal" world. They live in a suburb so we were in a neighborhood!! :) Something I dearly miss living in an apartment. They live in a home with a backyard. Again, something I dearly miss. We had great conversation and then played Catch Phrase. It was great! I am sure that the couple has no idea just how much we appreciated their simple invitation.
Now, here is to hoping that this feeling sticks around for a while!
2 comments:
Yes this post sounds all too personally familiar. You are fabulous though - and I am sure that you will find your fit. The tricky thing is (at least in my own head) that I was trying to recreate what I had in STL. Friends that lived in our neighborhood - friends that had like aged kids - friends that could just go and do things as a group or as moms just hanging out. That just isn't the way it is here. So I had to regroup what I was looking for and remind myself that the group I had in STL morphed over 3 years of time spent together and we had 7 years together when we moved. There is no way I can create something that tight and intimate with ppl here because we would still need to build the history. That made it a bit easier for me to allow myself to be "me" again..........and to realize that the people will be brought into my life when they are supposed to be. And I started to focus more on driving myself crazy with exercise instead. More health benefits with that kinda crazy anyway.
My heart is with you though - if you EVER want to say things outloud that you feel you can't say to people who might not have the same experience - I am here.
All My Love - Me
It will get better. Not the same as Columbia, but good in a different way. It just takes a little time. Trust me, I have been there, just hang in there and things will fall into place.
Love you so much.
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